I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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