____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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