why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
