I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she told me i tasted like america
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
