dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
