is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Come on in and take your pants off
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