ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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