Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
