Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
