it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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