The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
