i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
