So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
