You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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