even my farts smell like vagina
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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