id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
wow bdsm is so cute
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
