Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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