neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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