Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
