Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
