false alarm. still invincible.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
