I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
