Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I will be naked everywhere
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
