I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
