I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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