The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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