Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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