I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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