he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
