I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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