i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
