I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
