in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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