i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
