i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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