You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
