shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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