Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
