She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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