The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
