Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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