this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
