I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
