i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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