i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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