bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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