Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
