I want to stick my p in your. b.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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