hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
