A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
