Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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