You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
