TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My vagina is officially offended.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
