I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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