okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I am morally bankrupt
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
