I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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