the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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