We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
