The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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