Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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