one two three fourrrrnication!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
