pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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