Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
