I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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