obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
