Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
