I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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