i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
