Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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