did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
