tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
