He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
