3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize