dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My dick has a subreddit
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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