I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
