We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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