I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
