i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
